I don't know what's wrong with me.
So I read all day to stop feeling
like crap

Three more weeks of class. And then,

End of May:
-- Ohio with Ryan and Josh to find an apartment

Beginning of June:
-- Maine for a week to see my mom/sister/brother/ hang out with people
-- Back to NY to pack

Middle/End of June:
-- Maine again for a couple days for CBHS graduation, assuming that's when it is.
-- Moving in to the new apartment

July:
-- Missouri with Kyle, Britt, Jeremy and Mabra?
-- Allen comes up
-- Job hunting
-- Good times

August:
-- Help Allen find a roommate/apartment
-- More good times
-- Getting ready for school

Fin.

I'm reading Jane Austin novels again.
Again.
Again.
For like the millionth time.
I don't even understand it.
But I guess I don't have to.

I'm so anxious to leave.

I need something to read.
Again.

Something is wrong.

I don't exactly know what I've been doing with my life lately. It seems like it's just been a whole lot of nothing with some randomly being sad mixed in. I guess I'm sort of just waiting until I move again.

Anyway, I have a phone again. After having gone about a month without one, it's sort of weird. Same number, same game and all.

Going to Ohio today with Josh. Fun fun fun.

I seem to have this wonderful knack for making a right mess of things.

I don't ever remember the weeks going by this quickly or this peacefully. Amidst all of the chaos, I seem to have found a very pleasant, very uneventful, very calm routine.

It might be the easy classes, it might be the fact that I'm not worrying about bad things happening anymore (because I think I've used up pretty much all of my bad luck), it might be the fact that I'm reading more, or maybe it's the fact that I'm just accepting things as they come.

I'm not worried about getting into Ohio State anymore, because I'm already in. Not that I should have worried from the get go. It's not as if it's Cornell or Columbia. If I don't get the scholarship, I'm okay. Because I know I'll be okay.

My living situation for next year is pretty much set, and it's perfect, and it's inexpensive.

I don't have a lot of obligations right now, which is pretty nice.

I don't know. I guess I kind of feel content. Like something just clicked and said, "Look, you. Things are kind of messed up. Just float for a while."


Yet I can't help but feel as if this is going to end up being some extended period of calm before a storm. Maybe the longest period of calm I've ever had. Maybe the biggest storm. Let's hope I'm wrong.

I decided that I'm going to Ohio State whether or not I get the scholarship. I'm tired of settling for things I don't want. It's not as if every other college student doesn't accumulate some amount of debt.

My car is fucked and my phone is lost and my mind is scrambled and my eyelids are drooping and my tongue is twisted-- but at least I'm still good at Spanish, for what it's worth.

Note to self: ask Aunt Stevie about publishing.



Is life better yet?

Sometimes I wonder how Ryan and I will get along when Josh and I move in with him.

We'll either be best buds and get along really well, or we'll argue all the time and piss each other off.

Maybe both.

Me: Or I could just speak Spanish a ton and confuse you.
Grad: No, not that one. >.>
Me: Por que? es muy divertido y me gusta. (:
Grad: ... taco taco burrito
Me: hahahaha


We are lame.

the future to be now.

The moon was so bright tonight that it lit up the snow.

I can't wait until we move down to Ohio.
It's really not that long from now.
6 months.
wow.

Hello world. Here I come.

Dear Livejournal,

What am I doing up at 4:20 in the morning? Oh, you know. The usual.... talking to random strangers that I've never met, promising Ryan that Josh will make it to the raid tomorrow (lest I suffer the wrath of the bald one), making mysterious plans, avoiding stalker-age, and trying very hard not to fall asleep.

But alas, the sandman has come and I can no longer hold him at bay (can't you tell that I'm exhausted?).

Josh's phone is either off or dead, which blows because everything has now been moved to Monday. But that's also good?


Ohmygoodnessme, I'm le tired.

Merry Christmas.

ow.